


Final Distance

by legendarisk



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 05:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4654296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendarisk/pseuds/legendarisk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things aren't like they used to, and yet I wish they were..</p>
            </blockquote>





	Final Distance

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to "Final Distance." I have to put some trigger warning right away; character death will occur, and I'm sorry for that! (or am I?)  
> I don't own the characters in the story, but I do own the story!  
> I don't really know why I put it in a first person view (Norway's view), written during a very boring lesson. And I didn't use any names for the characters seeing as no one can agree on them, you can just imagine the name you want them to have! (Except for Tino and Berwald, since they do have canon names.)
> 
> Read and enjoy!

I don't know if I have always been this way, perhaps I had. Not that I minded it, when you had been living in a certain way for long enough you tend to forget how things where after a certain amount of times.

Expression usually vague on my face, even if I felt a tumult inside of me, it was a rare thing it would show as visible and heavy as it would for others.

And yet it was only one other person who had managed to draw more than one feeling at a time out of me in a way no one else was able to. The tall, blond-haired, annoying, and loud Dane that always seemed to bother him. Being a nuisance and constantly being by my side, whenever I showed that I approved of it or not. To be honest, I liked the attention he gave me, and yet I never truly told him that. I guess I was too shy, and a bit too proud as well perhaps to admit to him that the constant attention he was giving me made my heart clench tight in my chest, and my façade always broke when he gave me that special kind of attention he, in some kind of way, always gave just me. It broke a lot more often than I could count, when we laid in bed together, either in the morning or in the evening when we looked at each other. He was always giving me these looks, they were hard to describe, it was those kinds of looks you have to feel and see, as it cannot be described properly. But there was one emotion that was in them that I wasn't particularly familiar with before meeting him, one I began to crave like a bad addiction, but only from him and no one else; Love.

We met a late winter evening. The snow had yet to melt, and it was starting to get warmer. We were merely 17 back then.  
A shared friend of ours held a party, I usually don't attend these kinds of events, yet my friend Tino pulled me along, as his crush would be going, and he didn't want to go alone. Even if I might look like I don't care, I do, especially when it comes to friends and family, so I followed him to this party, despite my detest for it.

I don't remember how or why, I do know that you would have remembered, but somewhere along the way, someone, I guessed Tino, had managed to get me to drink a couple of drinks as well. I wasn't that intoxicated that I don't remember, it was just some time ago this happened and one can't remember every event of their lives, but my memory was a bit hazy.

But I do remember clearly when I was being introduced to him. It was my friends crush brother, and he was drunk, it wasn't that hard to tell. Speaking loudly, hair sticking up all over the place and wearing a smug expression.

I wouldn't say it was love at first sight, I don't believe in those fairytales. It was more a shameful thought that this man was handsome, maybe not my typical preference of people, but I couldn't dismiss the thought. But just because you're good looking doesn't that mean everything, I too thought of that time that he was a brat, in the way he was behaving, maybe it was just his drunken schemes.

And yet somehow we spent the rest of the evening talking and walking around together. He asked for my number, and I refused to give it to him, mostly because I didn't think he would remember me or the conversations tomorrow, or he was just doing this out pity, perhaps even to prank me. But I didn't tell him the two last points.

And yet somehow after the weekend, he found me in school. Every day we spoke, he walked me home from school, and every day he would ask for my number. Thinking he was now out to prank me instead, why else would he want my number so badly? So I refused to give it to him, and yet I let him walk me home, and spoke with him whenever the chance was being given.

I don't know what made me change my mind, maybe it was his stubbornness, or the fact that despite everything he was always kind to me, maybe it was also Tino who nagged me a bit too about the issue. I don't remember that either, details as I said, but after two months of asking, and I thought he'd give up after a week or two, the snow had melted, the grass had turned green, and the flowers of spring were around us, I gave him my number.

The look he gave me when I finally said "yes" and gave him a piece of paper with my number on it, I would forever remember that. I have never seen anyone look so happy over such a simple gesture in my entirely short life.

We texted almost all night, and he was the first one to say 'good morning' and 'goodnight' to me, and I know I was getting too involved with him than I was comfortable with, and yet with him it was so easy. Like how you fell asleep, slowly but surely it sneaked up on you, and when you least expected it, you were trapped.

Was I scared? Yes, I was. Did I run away like a coward? No, I didn't run away, but I faced him like I had always done every day since I met him at that party- Maybe I sat a bit closer than I other people usually did, or leaner closer when he showed me something that he was currently holding, or something in a magazine. I wasn't that obvious with my intentions, I feared rejection worse than I feared getting a B on a test, and yet I wanted him to notice, these feelings were driving me up against a wall.

And finally one day, after maybe some weeks with trying to hint what I felt, I gave up. He had neither responded nor backed away from my actions, and it was driving me into a nervous and sad wreck. Was I just imaging things, or was I just naïve? I needed to know.

I was famous for being blunt, I still am today, I had little knowledge of all the romantic things as well, so I did what seemed the best for my situation.

I kissed him.

Not in the middle of the school or under a tree by lunch. No, we were walking home as usual and I just.. Couldn't take it anymore, so I stopped him, and he was confused, and I kissed him instead of answering.

It wasn't my first kiss, yet it felt like it. I was so nervous to what he might think, would he push me away? Be disgusted? But when the lips moved against my own, and we broke after a moment, he was smiling.

"I have never thought you would dare to do that! Yet be the one to take the first step."

I was so embarrassed I might have accidentally shoved him into the nearest bush, but he just laughed and stood up, and he held my hand all the way back to my house.

Like I said, he wasn't my first kiss, but he was my first in many other things. I regret none of that, maybe I wished I had been better to show and tell him what I really felt about him more often, but I also liked to think that the rings on my finer and the ceremony was a bit on the way. Sometimes maybe the adopted Icelandic child as well, but I still wish I had not been such a shy mess most of the time, and my pride to be too big for my own body.

That one special day that would forever haunt my mind, it was all too clear to me, it felt like I was in some kind of bad drama, a cheesy soap opera when I get the call that would forever change my life.

"Your husband has been in an accident."

I drove so fast to the hospital with our son that I am pretty sure I was the first time I broke the law, and I probably did it more than once that day, not that I cared about those silly things at that moment.

He was awake when we got there, barely managed to speak.

"I love you so much.."

He looked at me, then at our son.

"Both of you. I'll see you again."

Then he closed his eyes. I told him I loved him over and over again, and that he would be well soon, we would all go home together, sit by the fire and drink chocolate, like we always did during our Saturday evenings. We would get ice-cream by the local parlor by the bridge, and see the new film he had been so excited to see.

But I didn't get further as I heard a hollow beep that made my blood freeze, and whenever I hear a similar sound, I still cry until today.

My husband was dying.

Yet I refused to believe that, they sent us out, our son had to hold me back while they tried to get his heart to start beating once again. But he never responded to the treatment.

My love, my world, my supportive pillar, and my better half, gone.

I was a mess, I only kept up with life thanks to our son, otherwise I would be further gone. Tino and his husband Berwald tried to cheer me up, to help. I am thankful for my family and friends, but a part of me died in the hospital together with him.

The funeral was not easier.

People going up to you to express their sadness over my loss made me even more broken, maybe slightly angry as well. It was hard enough to lose him, why did people have to remind me of it!?

It took me weeks before I could visit his grave. I did it late at first when no one was there, so that no one could see me break.

"Why you? Why did you leave me, us? You said, and promised that we would always be together, life or death, that you would be there to hold me through my hardest times. Why are you not here to hold me right now then?"

My voice grew thick, it got harder to breathe, and difficult to see with my vision all clogged up thanks to the tears that wouldn't stop.

"You promised.." As I touched his grave, it felt cold and dead to the touch, so unlike my husband who had been warm, alive, and full of life.

I tried to move on, date other people, but no one was interesting or fun enough, so I gave up. My friends and son were good enough for me after all, you don't need a significant other to keep going on with life, especially not after the one you thought you'd spend the rest of the life with was suddenly gone, and it almost felt as if you were cheating, even if he'd rather want me to move on than to grief him my whole life.

I don't wish to die and leave everyone, that would be selfish and mean to everyone around me that I care for, I just wish you were with me again; it's so empty without you.

But I know that I will see you one day again, and our son reminds me of our love we shared together. I will always love you no matter what, So wait for me, my dearly beloved, until my time is up too, then I will join you, and we shall never part again.


End file.
